Challenge Thyself:Four in One...read on

September 2, 2007 - Sunday

Challenge Thyself

I have decided that I am going to challenge myself in a couple areas.  Each of these will help me attain my "30 things to accomplish before I turn 30" List. 

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Fitness:  get back to a size 4...cause really, thats me in good health. 

First, my gym issued a challenge to participate in 22 group fitness classes in the month of October.  If I participate in all 22 classes I will get a t-shirt and entered in a drawing for 3 free months of membership, 2 personal training sessions, and 2 private pilates sessions (valued at over $400).  So I am going to do it. 

Second, I want to be able to run at least two miles without having to stop and walk.  I am not talking about on a treadmill either, I mean outside in different terrain. 

Third, I want to be able to swim two miles without taking breaks.  I have been swimming one mile with breaks.  So the first step is to make one without breaks.

Forth, I keep telling myself to do sit-ups every evening before bed...I am finally going to follow through with that. 

Laslty, AFAA (Aerobic Fitness Association of America) will be holding events in Beaumont.  I plan to attend.  I have always wanted to get my aerobic certification.  So I plan to look into that and make a goal for completion.   

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Spiritually:  Open-up

First, I am going to start meditating.  Once a month at the Buddhist temple, and at the very least, once a week by myself. 

Second, read at least one hour daily. 

Third, Greet warmly, and say thanks.  I think I already do this, but I have had a couple people tell me I seem hard at first, so I want to work on that. 

Lastly, Learn to let go of fear and anger.  I think this will come with meditation.  But I want to be more aware of angry thoughts and fears that hold me back from accomplishing bigger goals. 

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Intellectually: Follow Through

First, Languages.  I have two languages that I want to learn.  I am ordering the Rosetta Stone software for Spanish next week!  And I will work on it from 3-4 everyday. 

Second, Read at least one hour daily. 

Third, complete Comprehensive Fund Development Cert.  (fill out application for capstone course!!!!!)

Forth, Write a new poem with a different subject and/or style every two weeks. 

Lastly, Believe that I can accomplish it all. 

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September 3, 2007 - Monday

Today’s efforts toward challenging myself

In order to focus on the challenges I have laid out for myself I decided I needed to reorganize my house a bit and get it good and clean so that it will be easier to stay on top of things as I add these new challenges into my life.

So...

Today, I woke up, took out all the garbage (it was garbage day), made a chore list for me and hubby (he got home from working 48hrs), and went run/walking.  I was considering going swimming this evening as well, but I am still working on my chore list.  I have made a huge dent in re-organizing my office, got all my laundry done except my reds, Dusted every room except Ryan's office and our bedroom, vacuumed every room except Ryan's office and our bedroom.  Cleaned the floors (hard wood) in my office and both bathrooms (even behind and under stuff that I don't usually bother moving).  Cleaned both bathrooms, except the tub - I told Ryan he had to do it.  But I cleaned the shower in the other bathroom - I actually scrubbed between the tiles with a toothbrush...it is so clean it is amazing.  Oh yeah, and washed and changed the sheets, found an "away" place for all our extra blankets to go when we aren't using them - they usually end up on our bedroom floor.  Oh, yeah, and [[[[iframe]]]]d the last two of my Rice U certificates (I have four now, just have to fill out the application for the capstone course!).  Cleaned all my papers off the kitchen table, and shredded a bunch of stuff, put a fresh table clothe on the table and wiped down the kitchen chairs. 

I told Ryan he had to clean the kitchen...which really isn't dirty at all because I cleaned it last night, but I cooked various things throughout the day for both of us and for meals during the week.  So he has to clean up from today's cooking, wash the kitchen floor, wash all his fingerprints off the door jams (I still can't figure out how he manages to get muddy prints on our nice white door jams...), I also asked him to clean off his cat's tree and his play station chair...which is covered in cat hair...drives me nuts.  Today he dusted his office and played around on his computer...I didn't push him on cleaning much because he just got off work - but he did wash the mirrors in the bathrooms for me so I wouldn't have to climb on the counters to do it.  Oh, he mowed the lawn in the rain too LOL...on his riding lawn mower with his bunker jacket and fire helmet on...what a dork...it was pretty funny.  He had started the lawn before it started raining and was determined to finish so he threw on his jacket and helmet...what makes it ever more funny is that our lawn isn't really big enough to justify a riding lawn mower (our last house the yard was huge), but it is one of his toys so we can't possibly downsize as far as the lawn mower is concerned. 

Tomorrow I am getting up to do a spinning class at the gym.  I am about to go do my sit-ups, read my book for an hour and go to sleep.  Tomorrow evening I have yoga in the heated room.  The rest of the day I will be working, which I think everyone knows, I love.

Wednesday I plan to go running again, yoga around noon (lunch break), and 7pm is my first attempt at meditation.   

Wish me luck!

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September 9, 2007 - Sunday

Put your dog on a goddamn leash! So, Saturday was sloth...yes, I did nothing.  I sat in Ryan's game chair most of the day and watched nonsense on TV, played a computer game, and really only got up to get food.  Sunday, today, I started out slow, but managed to have a relaxing but productive day.  I went to a friends house and watched a football game, learned a lot about football, spoke with an old lady from Lithuania - who knew more about football than I do, got a much needed pedicure and manicure, purchased three new books (on sale, no more than $5 ea), came home and sat on the back porch and read two chapters of one of those books (the Red Moon, by Kuwana Haulsey), then decided it was a nice evening to go running.  So, I am doing my pathetic run/jog/walk - I always start with the best intentions  - and listening to my ipod when out of the corner of my eye I spot a pitbull sitting in someone's yard.  At first I couldn't tell if he was on some kind of leash or not so I slowed down my pace.  All of sudden the dog charges me!  He is snarling and barking and running straight at me!  I turned and faced him head on and yelled, "No!  No!  Go Home!"  When I said go home he actually backed down a little and started running the other direction, at which point I looked up and noticed there were about six people sitting on the porch of the house he came from sucking on cancer sticks doing nothing about their dog.  Then the dog charges me again!  And, again I yell, "No!  Go Home!" - adding in the same yelling tone - "PUT YOUR DOG ON A GODDAMN LEASH!"  My running improved after that...go figure.  I have been thinking for a while that I need to carry pepper spray when I run, both for dogs and crazy people.  Tomorrow on my way home from work I am going to Academy to get some.  I actually thought about skipping the mace and just carrying my 9mm when I run, but maybe I will just try pepperspray first.  Not Very Zen, I know... what can I do?

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September 17, 2007 - Monday

Challenging Thyself update

Alright, so I worked most of the day Saturday.  Sunday I wasn't feeling well so I stayed in bed most the day and finished one of my books, then I decided to go running, I almost cut it short but I stuck it out and completed the task!  I still walked a lot but I ran more than usual. 

Today, (Monday) around 4pm, I don't know what got into me but I went to the gym for a muscle conditioning class, then I decided to stay for the "real athletic workout" class, then a Pilates class (which I could have slept through and it would have been more benefitial), then I did some arms (lightweight lifting), then I went to the locker room and was about to leave...but I was so dissapointed in the Pilates class (and a little in the other two) that I decided to take a break, drink my protien shake and then go swimming.  I only swam a half mile tonight...but I had already done quite a bit. 

I haven't been meditating on my own at all and I missed the temple last week, but I am going this week for sure.  Then I am going to clear out my office (I got two shipments of work materials so it is cluttered again) and start taking ten minutes a day to, if nothing else, sit and concentrate on my breathing. 

Wednesdays are MY DAY.  Why?  Because that is one of the days Ryan decided to drive to the Far end of Houston to play hockey, returning around 2am. 

Well, Sunday Morning Ryan and I went to Brunch at Suga's and he informed me that he won't be going to play hockey on Wednesdays anymore, but still plans to go Sundays.  I told him, "Well, I don't mean for this to sound rude, or dismissive, but I won't be available to you Wednesdays.    I go to Meditate at the Buddhist Temple Twice a Month on Wednesday, and on the evenings when I am not doing that, I am either doing open mic at the Logon or Suga's.  You can come with me to the Logon, but I don't think you would enjoy Suga's Open Mic, and I don't want it to become an uncomfortable thing." 

His response: "You've been meditating?" 

"Yeah, I wasn't trying to keep it a secret or anything, you just weren't around to tell." 

He says: "Oh...What else have you been doing - that I don't know about?"

"Spinning Tuesday and Thursday morning. Yoga Tuesday and Thursday Evenings.  Mondays, Fridays and Sundays I try to go Running or Swimming.  Saturday is my day of sloth or catch-up on stuff around the house - IF I don't have a Marrow drive.  And Wednesday is my office day but I take a long lunch break to do a kick-ass yoga class in a heated room, we start with abs then do power yoga.  Then I come home take a shower, check my email and phone messages, respond to the ones that need a response.   I usually work until around 5 or 6 on office stuff, then I go meditate or do open mic.  However, these are all subject to change depending on my marrow drive schedule." 

He looked shocked.  The last big argument we had he said I depend on him to be happy and asked why I don't go find something that makes me happy.  I told him I do lots of things that make me happy, "what do you think I do, just sit around here day dreaming of you all the damn time?"  Then I told him he has no idea all the things I do, because he is never available in any sense, and this is why I wanted to have one thing that we do together (we used to scuba dive every weekend, when we moved here I suggested we take up cycling and a number of other things - he chose hockey).

Apparently, he really thought I just sit around here and do nothing but dwell on him. 

Well, I guess he is finally starting to learn that if we don't plan together, we don't grow together - and the "bull-shit" five year plan that I started to write up with personal goals for me, personal goals for us, and personal goals for him really did mean something.  Not that we really have to have this big five year plan that we stick to, but it was one of my numerous attempts to get involved in each other's lives...which have become more and more seperate.  All I have to say is that I tried.  Then I decided to stay focused on me, and the things I can accomplish on my own HERE.  And if things just keep heading south, I will start focusing on things I can accomplish other places (Like New York or Seattle....or maybe Africa). 

So, this is the start of my week. 

Oh, yes, And...I finished the book "Red Moon," by Kuwana Haulsey, highly recommended! I began reading two books; one a story and one a guide.  The Story is, "Crispin: the Cross of Lead," by AVI, one of my favorite childhood authors.  The Guide is, "The Places That Scare You: A guide to fearlessness in difficult times," written by Pema Chodron, an American Buddhist nun. 

Goodnight!  I have to go to bed so I can get my reading in for the day and get up to do Spinning!

Currently reading : The Red Moon: A Novel By Kuwana Haulsey Release date: 31 August, 2004

Currently Listening One Cell In the Sea By A Fine Frenzy see related

Investments

Investments

©2007 ALZJ

She had been having chest pains.  Chest pains so intense she feared she was actually having a heart attack at 25!  But she told herself she was crazy, this feeling was more like a muscle spasm.  Each time it would hit she wasn't able to inhale for a few seconds.  Finally, she left work early and called her doctor, who had her come in right away. 

If something really was wrong she didn't want to be alone, but her husband wasn't answering his phone.  Where could he possibly be that he wouldn't answer his cell phone?  Remembering that he and a friend had planned to play golf that day she phoned his friend - who said they ended up cancelling their golf plans, "Is everything ok?"  She told him about her chest pains and he offered to meet her at the doctor if she couldn't find her husband.  "Thanks," she said. But really, how wierd is that?, she wondered to herself.  She sent a quik text message to her husband telling him she was having chest pains and would really like him to meet her at the doctors office.  While she was sitting in the waiting room he strolled in.  Strolled in with no concern in his eyes and as he sat down she thought, "It actuall my have been less wierd if his friend was here with me." 

When they called her for blood work he asked her, "Can you handle this by yourself?"  Of course she could.  She handled everything else on her own, why not a heart attack?  Or maybe it was just a broken heart.  Maybe of all the extraordinary things she had tried to accomplish in this life she would finally make her mark as the girl who died of a broken heart as her husband sat like a stone in the waiting room. 

After going through an EKG, blood work and ex-rays, the doctor informed her that the EKG showed, "something slightly abnormal, but it could have just been the machine.  I think it could be a pulled muscle or something less serious."  Since there was some tenderness near her shoulder, it was ruled a pulled muscle causing all these breathe halting spasms. 

Finally, she worked up the courage to tell the doctor one more thing as tears swelled in her eyes, her throat sqeezed a little and the spasms started all over again as she barely wispered, "I think I found a lump in my breast."  Ever have something come up in your life that seems so sureal that if you just don't actually speak it, then it isn't actually true?  She had been afraid to speak it for over a month.  Now it was out, the possibilities were endless. 

The doctor felt around commenting on the density of her breast tissue.  When the doctor felt the spot of concern there was a moment of eye contact and the doctor asked, "Is that it?"  Yes, that was it.  That was the the little pin-head of possibilities she avoided for a month.  So now what?  The doctor had felt it too and she had witnessed the instant wave of concern that passed across the doctor's eyes before the doctor was able to conceal it. 

"Lets go ahead and schedule you a mammogram and ultrasound, if we need to we will schedule an MRI after that.  It could just be that you have dense breast tissue, but to be safe we will have you checked out." 

To be safe.  What the hell does that mean at this point?  To be safe.  At least she knew she wasn't just going crazy and imagining a lump.  At least her husband now knew this wasn't some pathetic ploy to get his attantion and affection.  When she had told him about the lump, he made her feel as if she was being rediculous.  For a brief moment, she started to believe him.  But now he had heard the doctor's orders.  Besides, she wasn't the kind of girl that used stuff like this, or a "pregnancy scare," as a means to get attention from a man, even if the only thing she had left to want-for in life was love and affection. 

Upon returning home her husband went straight to his office, unaffected by the possibilities and the emotional strain that were just thrust upon his wife.  A few minutes later he reported that he was going to play hockey with his friends.  She knew that hockey nights meant he would not return until around 2am.  That was the norm for a hockey night.  She asked him to stay with her, "I could really just use some cuddling tonight.  I don't feel like being alone right now."  What came next didn't suprise her.  He went into his "investment speach." 

"You know I have already paid for ice-time.  I am not going to waist my money just because you want to be cuddled tonight.  I don't think of hockey as just some sport that I go to just to 'kick-it' with my friends.  It is an investment." 

What she was hearing from this whole speach was that his investment in hockey was more important than his investment in their relationship.  More than his investment in her.  She had thought this before during his investment speaches.  This was the first time she would speak it.  Like that other thing she had been afraid to speak, it could hit the air and turn into nothing, or it could go untested and turn into a cancer - eating away at what is left.  So she spoke her point and told him how scared she was feeling and how alone.  Then, as she was staring at his beautiful face telling him all this, she realized he still wasn't feeling anything.  With complete control (or was it defeat?), she told him,"Go play hockey, but don't come back here.  At least not for tonight.  Go stay with your parents.  Infact, you may want to stay there for a while until you figure out which of your 'investments' is more important to you.  If it isn't me that is fine, but you need to let me know.  You need to speak it.  So that I can make the decisions I need to make in order to fulfill my life.  I need to hear you speak it." 

He gathered up his hockey gear and walked out the door.  She didn't cry.  A year ago she would have fallen asleep in her own tears.  Today, she picked up a note pad and made a list of things to accomplish, a list of priorities, and a list of her greatest investments.  He started out at the top of that list, but when she thought she was all finished and started to review it she wrote her name above his. 

Currently Listening A Change Is Gonna Come By Leela James Prayer see related

Update

Hello Friends,

I know I haven't written much here lately, I have been pretty busy with work and a busy social life here in Beaumont. 

I am about to take a trip home to Seattle to visit my sisters.  My doctor just informed me that I have started to develop asthma just from living in SE Tex-ass.  So I hope to regain some health during my visit home, eat some fresh salmon (all I can get down here is farm raised color added), see some old friends, grub at my fav. restaurants and chill with my sisters. 

My sister Lynn is pregnant!  Which means I am about to be an aunt! 

Work has been crazy busy and awesome.  So far my new job has taken me to Baltimore, El Dorado AR, and all over SE Texas and West Louisiana.  Since I started in February I have recruited over 1,600 new registered Marrow Donors.  I love my job.  I meet people of all walks of life and people who share my passions.  It is a beautiful thing to find people out there who care about more than just their own little realm of existance. 

Happy 4th of July!

~AnnaLee

Art4Life

Hello Friends and Family,

I am sending this message to let you all know I am putting together my second silent art auction. This one, however, does not involve a patient but will benefit three Non-profits dedicated to making a difference in the lives of cancer patients. The donated artwork will be displayed during a black tie dinner event. Please consider donating to this cause, I know many of you have work tucked away in a corner just waiting to have a purpose...well, this is it! If you know of someone who may be interested in donating some art, please forward this message to them.

Thank you for your help!

Much love,

AnnaLee

rambln_annaz@hotmail.com

The Perfect Job

This past Summer I put together a Benefit Concert and Art Auction for a little girl who needed a bone marrow transplant.  A few months later her dad invited me to a brunch where he would be speaking about the need for more registered bone marrow donors and how finding a match for his daughter through the a marrow registry program helped his family.  When he invited me he mentioned three major non-profits that would be there.  I already had a job but this is the field I want to be in.  I told him I would love to go with him and asked if he would mind if I brought my resume along.  He thought that was a great idea.  Well, long story short, he introduced me to everyone and even mentioned the fundraiser I put together in his speach.  By the end of brunch the Founder of one organization and the Head another were arguing over who was going to hire me.  I kept in contact with both but there really didn't seem to be any solid positions with either even though both were eager to find a place for me on their team.  Well, a few months ago one of the organizations, based out of Houston, called me up and said they would like to create a position for me, but wanted me to stay in my town and work from home as a Minority Recruiter for the Bone Marrow Registry - with my own territory.  Then they asked for my salary requirments.  I gave them a number, then thought maybe I was asking too much for non-profit.  Then I didn't hear anything for weeks.  I would call and check in with my contact and there were always, "signatures and what nots" that we were waiting on.  Then all of a sudden I got a call from the Human Resources Dept officially offering me the position.  Not only were they offering me the most perfect job I could ask for to begin my career, but they were offering a higher salary than what I asked for. 

My new job officially starts Monday.  I am excited.  I have to go to Houston for a few days for training and they are putting me up in a hotel about a block from the office, just so I don't have to drive back and forth two hours for three days.  I would have driven without complaint, but this just shows how awesome my boss is - on top of the fact that she created the position just for me.  I am in awe of her.